surrogacy

[wilo]

this is a topic that is really close to my heart and its something i know people have many differing opinions on
for many years now it's something i'd considered doing, and now my family is all complete i've decided now is the time to go ahead with it.
i'm with an organisation and have found myself a truly fantastic couple that i'm hoping to help make into a family

basically i just thought i'd find out what everyones opinions/beliefs/thoughts on this matter are

kerry
x

[wilo]

i'm doing it because i couldn't imagine my life without my kids, n yes i've had a few! but i love every single one of them to bits.
some of the people i have read about on this organisations website are absolute saints! the things these people have had to go through to try to have their own children or been through illness so bad that they can't even go through ivf, is truly heartbreaking.
the joy my kids have brought into my life is overwhelming and to think theres couples out there that can't even begin to feel that joy is my inspiration to do this.
i have had very easy pregnancies and births and now my own family is finished i am, in effect, donating my body and my time to help people who are not as fortunate to go through the natural process of having their own family without a helping hand.

i am very proud of what i am about to embark on and feel extremely privelaged to have been able to have my own children with no problems.
i am also very much in awe of my intended mummy. she has been through so many personal horrors that i feel to be able to go through something like this makes her the special lady in all of this, although shes the one who says its me thats the special one i totally dont agree.

it is a legal minefield WM but if you go through all the correct channels it can also be a very rewarding experience

kerry
x

[KEPT]

Its a very big decison hun ,but  if you can put your hand on your heart and truely say you want to do this then great luck to you will be going a fantastic gift to a couple who carnt have kids =D> good on ya
kirsty

[devilswhore]

good on ya wilo!  

[wilo]

hiyas
thanks for your replies so far. its actually encouraging to see a few positive reactions at least, not that i've come across many negative (just the one). but there seemed to be a bit of a stigma attached to surrogacy at one time and i wasn't sure if that stigma was still about, and so far it doesn't seem to be.

thanks kirsty for your reply i can hand on heart truly say that yes, its certainly something i have wanted to do for many years. i did in fact put myself forward when my aunty had trouble conceiving 13 years ago and again 4 years ago with a cousin of mine. so its not a new decision. fortunately i have a fantastically supportive husband who is the same mind as me.

[littlesmurfette]

I think its a good idea.   You and your partner hav obviously talked a lot about this and you both agree on the same things.
There is still a lot of stigma mainly due to the subject being used in soaps and they need the drama. But in real life it can be a wonderful way for families to have children of their own.
Well done for being strong to you and your other half!  

[Kajman]

i couldn't imagine my life without my kids, n yes i've had a few! but i love every single one of them to bits.
x

That's the potential downside as I see it. After carrying the kiddy and feeling it kicking, going through delivery etc, I think handing it over would be hard.
I'd not be able to do it, but to paraphrase Monty Python, I haven't anywhere for a feotus to gestate, so a bit irrelevant really.
Whatever you decide on, good luck with it Kerry.

[wilo]

the key to this being, i am in the mind that this is not my child, i am simply "babysitting" for my friends till they are able to take their child home.
i appreciate all your thoughts and feelings and hope i can change peoples perspective on surrogacy just by finding out the facts and not listening to mis-conceptions  
(wow extremely big words for me!!!)

si, i agree to a point about me being special by what i'm doing, but could you imagine seeing some other woman carrying your husbands child when you know you can't do it yourself? i don't know about anyone else, but that would be really hard for me.

[vincentfan]

I am a stong believer in - What goes around comes around and what is meant to be will be
If you cannot have children naturally there is a reason for it
I was never fortunate enough to have any children maybe for a good reason - I am adopted so I do not know what genes I carry - Its too late in the day for me now  
But I think surrogacy is such a big thing to do - Handing over a baby you have loved and nurtured in the womb unless it is for big money (which it usually is) must be heart-breaking. Imagine thinking each year about the childs birthday
I dont think any woman could do it no matter how many babies you have had and how complete your family is
Most surrogate mothers cave in and and refuse to hand over the child causing more heart-break to all concerned
There are too many unwanted children in this country that need adopting into a good loving family like I was
So lets ban this (Its illegal anyway) and give unwanted children the chance for adoption

Sandra

[wilo]

hmmm its not illegal vin it is in fact illegal to advertise to be a surrogate mother or advertise for a surrogate mother. you would actually be surprised how many people are sent down the road of surrogacy by fertility clinics when their options have run out. fertility clinics even assist when doing host (IP's fertilised egg placed inside surro mum) surrogacy.
these are the mis-conceptions i was talking about in my last post.
it is not "big money" in the world of surrogacy yes i get expenses, i won't deny that. but these expenses are the amounts i would expect to pay if i was carrying my own child. ie. maternity clothes, loss of earnings etc.
i am actually part of 2 organisations in which there are MANY surrogates, in fact one celebrated its 600th surro birth last year and since i've been part of it i've seen at least 10, and not one of these surro mums had the slightest feeling they wanted to keep the child themselves. we're very close on the surro forum boards and every thought and feeling is shared between everyone. they have had ONE surro mum, in the 20 years they have been running, that has decided to keep the child, so i believe your "theory" of "most surrogate mothers cave in and refuse to hand over the child causing more heartbreak to all concerned" is a little mis-guided
i appreciate your opinion but i would suggest that maybe some actual fact finding would be appropriate here
thank you
kerry

[vincentfan]

It looks like I have not got a good start on this forum
I voiced my opinion and all I really wanted to say was
Adopt unwanted children
Why create new life when there is life out there begging for a home and a loving family
Why does every-one want a new-born.
Enough said on my behalf I think

I fully appreciate what you are doing Wilo and I rest my case and will shut up now

[Miss Halo]

(guessing you meant LEGAL to advertise??)

Anyway, I applaud you. In fact I bow down to you cos I could never do it. I had easy pregnancies and births - 25 mins for my second!!, but I did not like being pregnant. Don't get me wrong, the baby moving is ace, but for the rest of it, I wasn't keen. I also loved the outcome and I am not sure I could look at it the way you do - babysitting. I think that is the way you HAVE to look at it.

While I was pregnant with my first we attended parenting classes. In that class was a couple that had been trying for years with many attempts at IVF and their story was pulling on the heart strings. Although they managed it on their own, there are others that it just doesn't happen for and people like you are their life line for a baby.

I think those that 'donate' as you put it and those that ask are BOTH special for very different reasons.

So, tummy mummy, let us know how you go!!

[wilo]

thank you MH for your post    i will certainly keep you updated. but no i did mean its ILLEGAL to advertise for/to be a surrogate. thats where these organisations come in. they bring surros and IP's together where they can become friends before the surro makes the decision whether she would like to work with a certain couple. its all  on a "friends first" basis, then if a surro decides she would like to help a couple, she requests their details and if they both agree then after sorting out all the legal stuff, away they go.

Vin,
i appreciate your views otherwise i wouldn't have started this thread. my only "arguement" with you was you didn't seem to know the facts where surrogacy was concerned. i appreciate your beliefs about all the unwanted children waiting to be adopted but what you have to understand is that adoption is not for everyone, just as surrogacy isn't. some people want a child that is genetically related to themselves, or at least one of them, rather than totally someone elses child. i hope i can help, maybe not change your views, but at least understand the circumstances around surrogacy a little better. please don't feel you have to "shut up now" you are perfectly free to air your views, i certainly will not take offence. i will instead take on board that not everyone has the same feelings towards this as i do.

kerry x

[cazel]

I'd just like to say that 'wilo' is my daughter and I am soooooooo proud at what she is doing for the unfortunate couple she is helping. I know that this child will be a small part of me, but all I can say is I know she WILL hand over the baby when it is born. I also know that she feels part of the family she is helping and in time I'm absolutely certain that the couple will keep in touch while the child is growing up. Again, I am so proud that she is MY daughter! YOU GO, GIRL

[Miss Halo]

I have a personal question for you...is it always your eggs that are used? Is there some cases where both the prospective parents can donate both eggs and sperm??

I'm not asking for any other reason than I don't know the answer and am curious.